ThanksgivingBut this one is more substantial. Because I just spent some time perusing some of my older blurty entries, and it hit me just how much I *do* have to be thankful for right now. I've been so happy these last few months that I've gotten a little spoiled, really, and I've....kind of been taking things for granted. And it just hit me, full force, just how happy I really am right now, and how much better things are for me than they were earlier. I really do have a lot to be thankful for.
I'm thankful for a job that gives me stable hours. Sure, the schedule may not be perfect, but it's the same from week to week. I don't have to get up at odd hours, I can plan in advance and work around it. I'm not exhausted all the time.
I'm thankful, too, for a job that's not killing my back, and that I'm not totally ashamed to be seen working.
I'm thankful that I can pay all of my bills. That there's leftover in the bank between pay checks, and that I can pay off my credit cards slowly but surely. I'm thankful that I can put some aside in savings, for a new tattoo or just for an emergency fund.
I'm thankful that things with Nubbins are better than they were. I'm thankful that we still talk and get along and that our friendship is far from being destroyed.
I'm thankful that Max got to leave this world with peace and dignity, and that his last days on earth were spent with others of his kind. I'm thankful that he was greeted with Wolf Song when he was put down and that he didn't suffer in his final hours. Dad says that when they gave Max the shot, they did it in his compound there at Wolf Wood and he walked away afterwards to lie beneath a tree and fall asleep for the last time. I'm thankful that I have a book of photos to remember him by always.
I'm thankful that I'm not lonely anymore. That I'm in love, for the first time, with someone who loves me just as much and will never hurt me. I'm thankful that every morning I can wake up and look into someone else's eyes and see complete tenderness, love, and devotion there. I'm thankful that every touch, and look, and kiss, is filled with so much tangible emotion that I'm fulfilled on a more substantial level than I ever have been.
I'm thankful that I have options for my future. I'm thankful that my concern is that I have too *many* options, not too few. I'm thankful that the entire world is ahead of me and I can make myself happy, if I just put in the effort to do it.
A few months ago, I was ready to kill myself I had hit rock bottom, in debt and emotionally isolated, in physical and emotional pain every day.
And now, I'm so happy that I don't even realize how happy I am. I'm taking for granted the huge improvements made to my life and finding new things to bitch about. And while you always have the right to complain....well, I just wanted to stop, for a moment, to say this: I'm happy. Genuinely happy.
And above all other things, I'm thankful for that.
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"We live the truth stranger than fiction." ~Spider Pennworth; Brandenburg, Virginia
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"We live the truth stranger than fiction." ~Spider Pennworth; Brandenburg, Virginia
1. What was the definitive moment- if there's a specific one you can recall- that confirmed atheism for you?
2. When you think about being both the wolf and the tiger, which one is more important in a romantic relationship? A balance between them is essential, t'is true, but would it be the tiger's ferocious passion followed by the wolf's loyal devotion? Or vice versa? Does one stem from the other?
3. What do you consider your absolute worst feature? -can be mental, physical, emotional
4. If given the chance to be placed in a different world- one where you could tailor it to your wants and desires- would you take that chance?
5. Do you think human sexuality is separate from human romance? Are we inherently sexual focusing on physical needs, but we can fall in love with people outside of that?
HAH! Fear me and my lengthy, overly wordy questions!
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"We live the truth stranger than fiction." ~Spider Pennworth; Brandenburg, Virginia
All of which is a moot point at the end of the day because, strictly speaking, I'm not even a real atheist, I'm a Romantic. Leaves of Grass is my Bible.
2.) god that's hard. Hard because that's something that I've been struggling with all my life--because if the balance is disturbed, it wreaks havoc on everything. I've lost a lot of relationships to that before. Generally, the wolf wins out--the more I love someone, the more wolf I am with them, to the point of it totally sacrificing me if I don't watch out (a position I've found myself in mor and more often since coming back, no need to extrapolate). What I'd prefer would be a relationship where the tiger was predominant, because I've never actually had a relationship that was pure passion and enthusiasm unclouded by worry. But I don't think it would last very long and would eventually also destroy me. So....who knows.
3.) Ahhhh. I honestly don't know. I mean, the self-loathey part of me can come up with all kinds of suggestions, but depending on the mood you catch me in they don't bother me as much. The PetSmart diet, unhealthy though it may be, has helped with a lot of my body image stuff, and the tattoo actually solved one of my most self-conscious body issues ever (the natural massive distance between my breasts, itused to bother me immensely). So body-wise, meh, I'm dealing. Emotionally, I suppose the featureof myself that *I* hate the most is my constantly active brain--I think too much, and it always hurts. Because I'm given over to thinking things that aren't true/I don't mean, and feel I'm committing a thought crime (hah) and get guilt-laden.
4.) Conflicting desire. On one hand--HELL YES. On other hand...where would the fun be if I could make it how I wanted? No adventure in that.
5.) Actually, I think sex gets in the way of love entirely too often. Sometimes I kind of wonder if we wouldn't be better off keeping our sex life and our loved ones totally separate, or widening our sexuality to include all of our loved ones. Ask the dolphins--sex for pleasure and monogamy don't really mix. I think we're the only creatures that try that, and it doesn't seem to be working out too well. I can understand the anthropological and sociological implications of *why* we do it, but with the changing format of society....eh. All of which is to say....I'm a firm believer in platonic love. I do not however believe that, at this juncture, love and intimacy can be separated without making us a little neurotic--note I say intimacy, not sex. And I'm babbling again.
Hah! ph34r my long responses!
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To be surprised, to wonder, is to begin to understand. --Jose Ortega y Gasset
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"We live the truth stranger than fiction." ~Spider Pennworth; Brandenburg, Virginia
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We live the truth stranger than fiction. ~Brandenburg, Virginia (Freak Central)
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We live the truth stranger than fiction. ~Brandenburg, Virginia (Freak Central)
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We live the truth stranger than fiction. ~Brandenburg, Virginia (Freak Central)
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